Muse.

Periodically I find a vibration of how it feels to be whole and complete. And for a moment, just a moment, I go with it. I lose the world and all of the little doubts in my head. I listen only to what is good and it seems like nothing can go wrong. Everything is aligned for that moment and I close my eyes in bliss.

I find I am most inspired in these moments; to be myself and not give a shit what anyone thinks. I feel connected. Life is good. Love is here. I am whole.

And this moment, right now, is one of them. Sitting in my bathtub, warmth in my heart, toes wrinkling. Listening to Metric sing as I agree, "Everybody everybody just wanna fall in love. Everybody everybody just wanna play the lead." These moments inspire me to live life to the fullest every day.

It’s yoga, it’s music, it’s love that brings me here. Funny how I lose these things first when I’m off balance. Must remember that for next time...

The Meaning of Life?

Sometimes I look at my dog and wonder if he’s got the meaning of life down pat.

He never hangs onto anything, he forgives easily, and lives for the next time he will get to play outside (but just falls asleep if you don’t give in), and he is always grateful.

We often make our lives so complicated. There is so much information, so much complexity to today’s society that it’s easy to make ourselves out to be the most significant people in the world (especially when we’re having a bad day).

I realized in line for my coffee this morning that I didn’t actually enjoy my morning routine. I spent so much time focussing on being on time and running efficiently that I forgot to appreciate what I encountered. The breakfast I took the time to make tasted SO good- and I dismissed all that pleasure because it squirted tomato on me on the subway (and then I spent the rest of the ride trying to pretend it didn’t happen). The way the rain lately has made so many flowers grow, and how colourful my morning walks are becoming. The look on Jace’s face when I told him we were going for a walk. There truly was so much to be grateful for.

It’s easy to live a life of standard everyday practices and not push yourself to appreciate further. Happiness takes self-generation to thrive. And to create it, we have to tell ourselves daily which can be difficult. But it’s the most important thing in the world; gratitude.

Think big. Dream big. Be big. Even if you’re small.

There are moments when you sense that things larger than yourself operate the world. And despite the human instinct to do things selfishly and avoid all things fearful, if you live your life for others there will be a huge impact on this planet.

And by you, I mean me (and hopefully you too).

It’s so easy to be comfortable with the world as you know it; to resist change, to think things will fall apart if they evolve. But they don’t.

Tonight I watched a video that brought back my faith in mankind. Where once I thought that technology was pulling us apart, I now realize it has the capability of bringing us together. Our community inspires us, involves us, and teaches us to be more than ourselves. But best of all, our connection with each other and our community can be instigated by any means.

Every day I learn more and more that the love for one’s community, combined with belief and faith in the good of people, is what leads to a fulfilled life.

Have a watch. It's well worth it:
http://www.thersa.org/events/vision/vision-videos/rachel-botsman

"Invisible threads are the strongest ties" -Nietzche

Funny how some things sometimes just...work.

Throughout my life I have met people pivotal in developing who I am; people who I connected with on a level that was beyond words. Even before I knew who my true self was, I was able to just be myself with these people. And these relationships became milestones in my life. The glimpses of myself I saw when I was around them allowed me to see that it was possible for things to be natural.

It's even more amazing now that I feel free and my true self most of the time, because I can be truly present with such friends on a whole other level. I appreciate it in a whole new way because I now see how pivotal it is when you meet someone like that. And what’s great is that these friendships become more frequent the more self-expressed I become, yet the impact never diminishes.

Thank you world for sending me precious friends who are beautiful, inspiring, and one in a million. I am forever thankful.

clean it up, come out of hiding

After weeks of procrastinating the scary things of living on my own (like laundry), I have finally stopped to smell the flowers. Well, stopped to photograph them at least...

I notice that when I put things off I have a different relationship with myself. And I hide from people when this happens. For me, being an only child means that comfort comes with hibernation and dealing with things alone. But this doesn’t foster healthy relationships with the people you love. When I’m in ‘only child mode,’ the tendency to blame others becomes harder to fight and I take everything personally. This week showed me that getting things done is my ticket out of that destructive place.

I’m not sure what it was that inspired me to clean up my integrity (and my apartment). Call it whatever you like; a boost of vitamin D from the sunny skies of late, or the lack of clean underwear that has pushed me to the edge and forced me to finally dive into my laundry. But what I learned was that when I am in an emotional slump, what there is to do is tackle my to-do list. Nothing gives me more freedom (or more clean laundry).

shine a new light.

It’s funny how we store things away from ourselves. In camouflaged boxes tucked away in the corners of our minds or bodies. There they stay until something comes by and shines a light on it. That’s when you begin to see your life in a whole new way.

Recently I discovered a lie that I told to myself long ago and forgot about. It stemmed from a lie that someone had told me long ago and the other day this person owned up to it. Hearing his words put my entire past in a different perspective. I saw how I had told myself years ago that I would never be good enough. Everyone I met afterward I saw in accordance with that belief. And all of a sudden, all of my actions made sense.

Funny how we can use these self-inflicting-lies to torture ourselves. Opinions of others can mean so much at times that we don’t stop and think about what we really think. I am discovering that I live my life too much for others and this is what keeps me from speaking up in relationships. When you are too busy thinking about how you appear to other people, you don’t see how they show up for you. It’s not possible to see two people at the same time.

Stop looking at yourself and start looking at other people.  They will smile, I promise.