a new day.

It’s funny what happens when you take people off a pedestal. They suddenly become people again, and you become your true self. All values become clear again. Everything falls into place. And the great big space that person used to take up in your life isn’t filled with anger or sadness or regret. It’s just filled with space. One large enough for only happiness and love to fill.

So this week I take on a little experiment. What it is, you will find out next week- but all I know is it will make me see what is truly possible when I am living life to the fullest. Because sometimes the only thing that gets you out of a funk where nothing is going your way is to hang out with the most awesome people you know. And I’m lucky to know a lot of awesome people.

little black cloud

photo by Luke Tyszkiewicz

Sometimes there is a little black cloud that follows you around. It laughs at you when you're sad and shoots thunderbolts at you when you're not looking. It can feel like it will never go away. But we all have a certain button (custom to each person) that kills the cloud and gets you back on the right path.

What can be tricky is that this button can change with time. Where once a yoga class was what did it, now that doesn't seem good enough. Or maybe you are able to diffuse the cloud for a day- and it comes right back again. And what did I name my cloud, you ask? Well that depends... You see, his name changes with every heartbreak.

To some extent, I think it's important to live where you are- embrace the little black cloud at times in order to truly get complete with what is bothering you. This is what they call embracing vulnerability. Where I start to run off track is when I share the cloud. Complaining or enrolling others in how terrible things are never works. It's important that you share where you are, but in my experience, that sharing can turn to complaint after 4 or 5 times.

So what there is to face for me now is giving it all up. No more 'poor me' act- it's time to get back on my path again. So I pull out my agenda, get on the web, and plan my week as though none of last week ever happened. There will always be new clouds to face in the future, but I'll be damned if I let them consolidate with the black clouds of my past- that is just not how I choose to live my life. And Spring is getting closer every day.

Times are a changing. And all we need is love.

As the world washes away the debris of winter, I start to think about our minds. They work at times like reservoirs- constantly needing to spill out and fill back up.

When my mind fills up with concern, there comes a point when I need to speak up so I can let go of what troubles me. Conversations you put off for years only fester. But it's so easy to be afraid of how people will respond, and not speak out on how we feel. At the end of the day, sometimes all you need to let go of a concern is to say it out loud- let it be heard and hold nothing back, and then suddenly, as if by magic, it no longer matters how anyone responds.

My body stores all of my concerns in it. My hips, my shoulders, my head all hang onto these things as much as my mind does. And having a network of people around you who care about you and want to support you can make all of the difference. When you lose someone in your life, what there is to do then is listen to your body, work on letting it go, and then notice who you do have in your life and be grateful for them.

I have never been more present to the love I have for the people in my life. They make this world better; they make my life better.

We live in an imperfect world. The things we want are most of the time not good for us, and they have the capability to make us utterly unhappy. So when what you want doesn't happen- look at what you need. Because all we usually need is love, friendship, trust, and fun.

“ If you are aware that no one else can make you happy, and that happiness is the result of love coming out of you, this becomes…the mastery of love.” –Don Miguel Ruiz

Sometimes it’s only the little things. A stranger smiling at you on the subway. A boy making small talk and introducing himself in a coffee shop. These are the things that get to make us happy if we let them.

It’s when we don’t connect with the world that we miss this opportunity. So whatever it is that is keeping you from being present, from observing and appreciating whatever it is that stays on your mind and robs you of the chance to see these moments of happiness, clean it up now.

There is not a moment to lose being distracted in the world and letting the beauty of our planet pass you by.

Soul.

To this day, nothing touches me like Music does. 

What else can make me cry on the drop of a note, feel shivers through my whole body, carry me away to another place, another time, another me. It fills me with complete distraction, drowns out all noise and voices of myself, of others. I ignore the world, and drown in emotion. Totally and completely lost in it. 

The ultimate surrender. The ultimate love.

Life lives in perspective...

...Everything we do, all we experience is just a matter of it. Sometimes I think the only reason we take action is to gain new perspective. This is why we distract ourselves from our lives.

We drink to bring lightness to our work-week, have dogs to make us see the fun in little things, eat junk to experience a shot of pleasure in our day, and move to feel like a different person for a little while. All of these make us realize what is possible, and have the potential to energize our effort to change, work and ultimately be someone who lives them all of the time. 

While yes, this is the opposite opinion to my last post about distractions- it is clear I have gained some perspective by distracting myself. I’m more clear and confident on the things I am committed to than ever before. This weekend it took a little flirting, dancing, and a wipeout in the snow to affirm that I’m on the right path.

All this to say that sometimes these distractions are all you need to get a bit of clarity and perspective on your own life and what you need to do to live the life you love. The trap comes when you let that distraction take over and ignore what’s really going on. Distraction is a tool- like a hammer. But you don’t want it to become your only one, or eventually you will be eating your cereal with a hammer instead of a spoon. And that's just not effective.

So today it will take dancing in my living room and a cup of coffee to get me there.

spring will come.

My stingy voice hates me being vulnerable. It totally and completely resists giving in and always wants to get back control. In fact, just thinking about succumbing to my feelings makes my gut churn. It gives me tension in my throat. And choosing vulnerability when it comes with such discomfort, choosing love when it is as painful as it is filled with joy, and choosing a new life when it’s so easy to be complacent is…difficult. 

I am an expert at distracting myself from what I really feel by focussing on something shiny and new. And it keeps me from commitment, which is so clearly the next challenge for me.

I got some coaching today that if I am really choosing commitment, then I can’t be distracted by just any light-heartedness that could potentially relieve the temporary agony of being vulnerable and exposing a real me to the world. What I need to have instead is the courage to have patience, which will create the space for things to happen. 

So I am surrounded by things I cherish. An apartment that I adore. Friends that make life worth living.  A job that doesn’t feel like work. A life I love. There is nothing left anymore to distract myself from the longing I have to fall in love.

What’s left is I have to choose for it not to feel like I’m giving something up, or succumbing control. I have to choose for it to feel like the first night in Spring feels; fresh, happy and new, and surprising in its warmth. Exciting as a summer in the city.