So I’ve been away from writing for a little bit, and while I was gone I found something. It’s something I knew I was looking for in general, but as soon as I stopped trying I found it (I guess it’s true what they say, huh?). I found myself.
It’s not that I felt lost before, but now that I’m here it feels like home. In the past I had glimpses of what it was like to embrace my unique contribution to the world, but it never quite became who I was (without effort, at least). Looking back, I am so clear on how hard I was trying to show who I was before. And I never want to live in that much effort again.
Remember how I fretted a month ago about doing my dishes? Yeah, not a problem anymore. I don’t have to think about doing things, I just do them. I don’t worry about how I will be when I meet new people. I am just myself. There is a serious lack of drama.
So now I wonder, how did this happen? It’s not like something dramatic took place that shifted me. I didn’t even know anything had changed until I noticed how people acted different around me and how I acted different in the world.
If I’m honest, I think that committing to my vision and re-writing my goals is what did it. 10 years dreaming of what it would be like to live downtown and walk to work- and it’s finally being actualized. I have done the work and now I get to be who I always wanted. And I pinch myself 8 times a day.
What had the biggest impact though was cleaning up the mess of my past, and narrowing the things in my life down to that which I love. It allowed me to focus and truly be grateful for every single bit of my life.
And so now I get to be grateful for you. For the space to share myself and find true self-expression through it. Thank you world. For being so forgiving, welcoming, loving, and accepting.
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