So I sit here after a 5-day binge of everything I am
passionate about. Rain falls down my bedroom window and my hair looks dishevelled.
5 days of music, people, passion. And I’m exhausted.
Last month was about building my sense of responsibility and
self-respect. What I achieved was a new perspective of myself I never thought
possible. 4 days of binging later and it would be easy to fall back into the
same pattern of despising my habits all over again. But strangely this time it
feels different.
It’s time to throw it all away. Like the childhood wardrobe
that no longer fits, I must discard the habits I used to define myself for so
long in favour of new ones I have picked up.
When I woke up this morning, the pants I bought last fall no
longer fit the same. I am different; and it is so clear in how I feel and act.
But there is one thing that I must drop still to find balance in these new
shoes; Pride.
It does me no good to try and keep things in, play it cool.
I notice that I keep things from people so that I can have my own timing- not
be pressured. What is surprising is that I never actually do things on my own
time, thus making the effort of hiding irrelevant.
What this pride hides is the last piece of my puzzle. It’s
time to practice letting it go.
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