Day Three

I have a problem with starting new projects. Like the stack of books on my side table, I never finish them. And my issue is in seeing that my blips in consistency are just blips- not the start of a new pattern that abandons the project I was just working on.

This weekend was a bit of a Toronto Stampede, if you will. 5 days, no sleep, beers and cheers nightly, and my nutrition and self-care tapered off big time toward the end. I closed this social binge off with an emotional breakdown, oversleeping my alarm, and missing a meeting. Not anything I am proud of.

My whole movement of training my brain and developing responsibility went out the window with each day that my social binge went on. What I notice is I was able to keep up balance for two days. But on day three, all self-respect went out the window. I stopped doing things for myself, said yes to everything, didn’t listen to my body, and developed an “I don’t care” or “not today” mentality.

Looking back, this ‘Day Three’ is almost inevitable in anything I do. Two days of exceptions notoriously lead to the next day abandoning any actions of self-worth I had before. This leads me to drop whatever ‘project’ I was working on before Day Three.

What’s even more interesting is now that I have distinguished this pattern, it doesn’t seem to control me anymore. I have more confidence to pick up the right tools all over again and starting fresh. Succumbing to feelings of failure and abandoning all determination are no longer what cripples me. The way I see it now, I had a couple of bad Day Threes, and that’s it.

I guess this is what it feels like to grow up.